Note.

I wrote this note two days ago,but I didn't publish it .The same night, in my dream ,I cut my breasts myself and I sew them again on my body. I think I wasn't happy with the way they were before .The result was a hideous piece of meat sticking to me. In my dream I was talking to my mom and a friend of mine about it and they seemed to be very relax, as if nothing has happened .Obviously, I woke up !!

Here is what I wrote before I sleep:


4 years ago ,after experiencing a mental crash!, I finally accepted that there are sometimes some limits I'd better keep. Somebody told me afterwards that it happens for everyone when they pass 25; when they stop dreaming about their life by accepting the reality. I accepted this justification right away as it seemed really beautiful.

Now ,approaching my third decade of life,I'm recovering from a physical crash. I easily passed about 5 months of last year dealing with pain and weired physical symptoms. I'm gradually receiving the news from my Dr. s .Good news which are telling me that the problems are mechanical ! and that there has been a problem but they can`t find the reason. I'm extremely happy that I can walk and sit down again :)

but...

I don't want to believe that I'm changing. I hate feeling that these phases are the turning points in my life. I hate loosing my free spirit.
I don't want the time to go back but I want myself to change back to who I was in August 2005.